Remembering

That you don't do nice things for people to get nice back, that you don't do good and expect good in return.  That is one of the hardest life lessons that there is.  And some times I forget.  I forget that you do good things for your kids so that they grow up to be good people, that you do nice things for your spouse, just because you love him.
Its hard to remember.  There are days that I give and give and give, and all I get are screaming children and angry husband.
Today I looked back at my life.  At all the dreams that I had.  All the choices that I made that ended me here.  And I was sad.  There were too many times that I let my anxieties get in the way of something that could have been great, or not.  Too many times that I decided to take the sure thing rather than bet on the long shot.  All the paths that I saw, but walked with the crowd.  And I was sad.
I realized that too much time has passed and I can't even begin to remake decisions and change my life.  Too much time that I have lost.  Because I wanted to make sure that everyone else followed their dreams, and had their chance to make sure that they were happy.
And it hurt.  Lots.  I cried, and was sad.
Then I remembered.  I made these choices out of love sometimes.  I want my boys to have their dreams.  Maybe I will just have to sit in the back seat and watch life pass me by, but my boys are living their dreams. And for anyone that should be enough.  I will get my chance to shine, just not right now.