The psychology of abuse

I'm studying to be a counselor.  I have read book after book on abuse.  I know what the abuser thinks and what he (or in some cases, she) feel when the abuse is happening.  I have knowledge from books.  And from life.  I was in an abusive relationship.  I remember how it feels to be the worst person in the whole world, how much is my fault... well, according to him, it was all my fault.  And I believed it.  It was because I was a bad person that he wasn't happy.  Then one day I snapped and realized that I was not at fault for most of what he told me I was.  I had nothing to do with who was elected president (I voted for who he told me to), I had nothing to do with the rain on Saturday (I cannot control the weather).  And it most definitely was not my fault that he hit me.  It was only my fault that I was letting it happen.
It's happening to a friend right now.  She came to me and told me that she wanted out.  I found her a place to stay.  She wouldn't stay in the shelter (which I wish she would have, she needs intense therapy), I knew that she couldn't stay with me.  But I found one of my friends that she could stay with.  She left him yesterday.  For the 5th time.  She is going thru all the reactions that come with breaking up with an abuser.  Its her fault that he has to be mad, that they have problems... if she would change then her relationship would be all better.  So I asked her if it got better any of the other times that she came back.  No (not that I expected a different answer), it got worse.  And then he would apologize and it would be ok for a week, then bad again...The same old story of an abusive relationship. 
and it brings back the memories of my abusive relationship.  She is wanting me to make it all better, not understanding that it will take her time to get better.  She wants the future that he promised her last night as she was leaving.  They will get married and have babies and it will all be better.  All the same promises that I heard. 
I was strong enough to know that I do not need a man.  I enjoy having one, but I will not let a man make me feel guilty for being alive again.  Its almost like I"m trying to make up her mind for her.  She told me that she wanted out, so I'm helping her get out.  But I also know that she isn't strong.  She is young.  She is 23... I was 21 at the time, but I have more backbone I guess.  I really don't know what to tell her.
One day at a time is what I'm saying.  I'm going to take her into counseling next week, she has agreed to that.  And hopefully she will know that she needs to worry about her.  I know that I got her out once and I don't know if I can do it again and that is what makes me really sad.